He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
