i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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