Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Randomize
