Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
