So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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