Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
