I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Randomize
