Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
She told me I should be a condom model.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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