I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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