why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Bring me that man meat
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize
