We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
