ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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