i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
