Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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