feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
