i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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