I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
