This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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