I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
