I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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