i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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