one might say we're banned from that church
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
