You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
