i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
