yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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