Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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