I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
