I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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