Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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