Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
