i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
me + whiskey = a bad person
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
