I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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