its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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