There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
