I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize