I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
