Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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