Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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