dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Boobs speak an international language.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize