i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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