I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize