every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
