I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
