someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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