i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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