Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize