Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
