There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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