You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
