you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
