apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
