capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
