Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
