can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
