I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
