i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
