I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
