spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
