O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
