why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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