the new term for farting is butt boxing.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
