the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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