my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
