One girl and one boy is just not enough.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
