Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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