I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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