I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
