your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
